Setting Boundaries - Your Value as a Healer or Sensitive Person

As a healer, do you recognize and honor your value?  This is a touchy subject and one in which I hesitated to write about.  But I feel it's something which needs to be addressed.  With that in mind, here I go.... 

Too often I see a trend among healers - undercharging for their services.  This article isn't about doing charity work. I do believe it's important for people to give back. Rather, this is about the everyday life of a healer and how we value the work we do.

What I've noticed among many healers, or other types of professionals who work outside the norm of traditional wellness professionals, is a general reluctance to set boundaries or charge a fair price for their work. Because they have the deep desire to assist in another person's growth or healing, they somehow believe they can't charge an appropriate fee.  Or their desire to help overrides what's right or fair to them. These are professionals who can be intuitives, astrologers, or people who do soul retrievals - any kind of energy work.

I want to be clear on the term "healer". It's a term that's used often, but we don't actually heal anyone. What we do is bring in the energy where a person's own internal wisdom, along with their body or situation which allows the healing to take place. What we bring to the session is what allows the shift to occur. Because most people are familiar with this term, (and there doesn't seem to be a better one, other than "facilitator"), I'll use it here for the sake of convenience.

The trend I see in general, is a lack of true valuation as well as firm boundaries.  Because this work isn't tangible, other than the results, people tend to discount it.  The thought for centuries has been, "If it's of a spiritual nature, you should do it from the goodness of your heart - not charge for it.  Or charge very little".  I see so many professionals in this industry who struggle with this idea.  I've also seen the flip side where people who want to receive the work are unwilling to pay for it.  Or they don't want to pay much.

I find this interesting because the usual feedback I receive from clients is, 'You've changed my life!"  This, after only 1 or 2 sessions - not sessions every week that go on for years.  Yet, I've still met people who try to get a free session from me.  I had one woman call me up, asking for help on a business deal.  This was a deal where she'd benefit, quite well, financially.  However,  she wanted me to give her the session for free. I found this interesting. If she was benefiting, financially, why wouldn't she pay for work that gave her the necessary information to pursue the deal or not?  She wouldn't go to a lawyer or financial advisor and expect them to give her an hour of their time for free.  She also wouldn't be willing to give her own services away for free.  

So, why is it not only clients, but many professionals in this field are willing to undercharge or not charge at all for their work?  Bills, mortgages, and rent are all a part of the real world.  A world in which we all live in.  When you do work, you should be paid for it. Some people believe that because it's something we're guided to do and something we love doing (helping people), we shouldn't expect to be fairly compensated.  I know many doctors, nurses and chiropractors who also love their work. They help people everyday in their work.  And they're paid for it.  Why does "divinely guided" and "love of work" equate to not being paid?  Because in today's world, in many people's minds,  if you can't see it, it must not have value.  However, if the work you do results in real value - a better business deal, peace of mind, the relief of trauma, then it is valuable.  The results should dictate the monetary value - not the process.

It's up to professionals in this field to understand the value of their work.  When you work in this field, and you give real results, ones which positively impact the quality of life of another person, you owe it to yourself, as well as your clients (or anyone who comes to you for work), to be paid fairly. It's up to you to set your rates and your boundaries.   If someone doesn't respect your work enough to pay you for it, don't work with them.  

When someone calls me up and wants my help, my agreement with them is:

• They make an appointment
• They pay me for my services
• They adhere to the length of the session - not trying to stay longer than the appointed time.
• They don't call me for a "free follow up" - I do give 5-minute complimentary follow ups, either by text or phone. But they're exactly that - 5 minutes.  Anything longer and it means there are more layers to be worked on. This means booking another appointment.

These are all common business practices.  Until healers are willing to look at their work as a genuine business, and hold their clients accountable, they won't receive the payment or respect they deserve.

The clients I have now are wonderful. They're respectful and appreciative of the work I do.  I feel fortunate to work with these people.  But it took me a long time, and encounters with too many people trying to receive my work for free, to finally realize my worth.  From people who'd  call and say they "only needed 5 minutes of my time" -  25 minutes later, I was still on the phone with them.  They thanked me profusely for my help, but didn't offer to pay for my time or work.  Or the clients, when I didn't have an appointment right after them, who would stay an extra 30 or 40 minutes.  Because I cared so deeply about helping them, I allowed this type of behavior. 

In most cases, people aren't trying to consciously take advantage of you. They're struggling with something and are looking for ways to deal with it. But they need to understand the work you do is real and it takes effort. It appear easy, but it's usually taken years to learn and refine. It's a business like any other. 

What I've learned, is it's up to me to know my worth and then stick to it. Sometimes you have to have the difficult conversation of, "I'm sorry, but this is much more than a 5-minute conversation".   I've found that the people who didn't want to pay for my services, were the ones who weren't willing to take responsibility for their own healing. They were either struggling with their own self-worth issues, not willing to invest in themselves or their healing. Or they were someone who didn't respect or value another person's time or effort. 

This is their own work to do. When they're ready to step up and invest in themselves, they'll be happy to pay someone for their assistance. The best thing you can do as a healer, is to facilitate a person's self-worth by sticking to your understanding of your own value.

As empaths, we feel other people's emotions.  When you feel their pain, it can be very difficult to witness and not want to jump in and help.  It's the old, "It doesn't take much for me to help".  But each time you do, not only do you disrespect yourself, but you also rob them of their journey of healing, learning and growing.  Someone very wise once told me, 'It you try to do it for another person, you're only robbing them of their soul's lessons.  They'll have to go through them eventually.  You're only delaying it - not helping them."

Our journey is to realize this is where someone's at right now.  We can empathize and wish the very best for them.  But the very best is in having them discover their own power.  Their own ability to heal and grow.  When someone taps into their own power, they have the ability to move mountains. If you aren't able to believe in them enough to support this path of growth, (by thinking you have to "do it for them"), you actually aren't serving them. 

Something you can ask yourself, "Will I hold the vision of them as capable and able to heal?", or are you envisioning them as helpless or a victim?  It can be hard sometimes, but by believing in another person's ability to heal, you're in essence, empowering them. When you hold the vision of their capabilities, you're helping them far more than you know. Believe in yourself and believe in them. 

 A final thought. When you value yourself, your work, and set firm boundaries, you're practicing healthy self-care. The better you care for yourself, the more you're able to give to those around you.

If you want more clarity on your real value, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss your goals and ways in which to come more into alignment with your true worth.

Contact Info:

sumi@sumihouston.com

(805) 265-9063

Information on Sumi Jones and her website.

Pursuing What You Love to Find Real Happiness

Do feel joyful a good part of the time?  Or are you feeling as if there’s something missing in your life? If you’re not feeling joy, peacefulness, or contentment on a regular basis, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your life. If you aren’t filled with a passion for what you’re doing, no matter what it is, then it’s time to explore what it is that you do love.

Joy and  passion are the barometers of whether or not we’re following the path of our souls and destiny in life. Yes, we all go through challenges from time to time. But if you’re not regularly feeling joyful or excitement about life, then you’re not doing what you’re meant to do. You're not utilizing your unique gifts that you were born with. Maybe this sounds harsh, but I see too many people who just accept life as it is – just moving through life on auto-pilot. Complacency is not contentment. It’s “settling”. We weren’t meant to settle. We were meant to bring our gifts and strengths out into the world so others can benefit from them, as well as ourselves. If you settle in life, you live a life of “half alive” and a slow, but painful existence. When we’re afraid to risk trying something, we’re settling for how things are and have been. We’re afraid of pain, such as failing. But isn’t it more painful to just go along without any real joy or passion in your life? Is half-living what you intended for your life? Ask yourself which is more painful? Living a joyless life, or having an occasional setback on your way to happiness and fulfillment?

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help define what you love doing.

1. What’s the one thing I’m hiding from the world?  There might be several.  Many times we hide the things we enjoy doing the most.  Or we only do them as hobbies.
2. Is there something I’m afraid to explore in case I ‘fail’, or ‘aren’t good enough’ at?
3. Is there a dream I’ve had, but haven’t had the courage to follow?
4. What do I love doing? What fills me with excitement or passion when I do it or think about doing it?
5. What did I love doing as a child? Sometimes this leads to what we still like doing as an adult.

By playing it safe and not trying the things you love, you rob yourself of the most exhilarating way of living. Yes, it can be scary from time to time. To put yourself out there can make you feel quite vulnerable. But the rewards for yourself and for others more than makeup for the initial fear.

There are people in your life who will advise against taking a chance on your dream. They mean well. But ask yourself, “Are these the people I admire for the life they’re living? Are they living fully with purpose and joy?” Or, are they perhaps, also living safely, without heart or courage? As Brene Brown says, “Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart.  In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.” When you share your heart’s desires with the world, you’re living your truth.

As children we knew exactly what we loved doing. Most of us were allowed to dream and do what it was we loved doing. However, as we grew up, well-meaning adults advised us to be realistic or “more practical” in our lives. Thankfully, for me, I never listened.

As a child, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. A ballet dancer first, and then to somehow have horses in my life. I loved both of these passionately and went on to dance with one of the greatest ballet companies and choreographers in the world - NY City Ballet. After I retired from dance, I went into the horse business, training horses and riders at the major shows on the East coast. I looked back recently and wondered how it was I’d accomplished both careers successfully? What was it that helped me to be successful in not one, but two careers of my choice? Two very different careers. I realized that I never took my eye off of my goal. I never allowed anyone to talk me out of my dreams. I loved dancing with all of my heart, as I did horses. There was never a question in my mind that I’d accomplish my dreams. Besides dreaming about horses and ballet, and drawing them constantly, I also put in the effort, every day, to accomplish those dreams. But it was my love of these things which fueled my efforts.

To put your dream or yourself out there can feel daunting. Rather than dive in, wholeheartedly, (although that’s one way to do it as well!), you can take small steps. Steps that feel manageable so you can get comfortable with the process. Commit to taking these steps every day. Or if your schedule is too busy right now, commit to doing one small step per week. Once you’re committed to doing this, the momentum usually takes over and it becomes easier and easier to do.

Stay open to your excitement and how it leads you forward or in new directions. There’s nothing like living life out loud and in the way which makes your heart sing. When you do this, it’s contagious. Others benefit as well – even if it might only be from your feelings of joy. Most often, it’s much more. You give them permission by your example, to follow their dreams.

If you feel blocked in following through on your dreams or goals,  my specialty is helping people identify what gets in the way of living with joy and fulfillment. 

When you're ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss your goals.  You can ask any questions you have about the work I do. I look forward to connecting with you.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumihouston.com 
(805) 265-9063

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