Success. What Really Blocks It.

Success is a process.  A process of making a commitment and then consistently following through.  So what really blocks it?

success what blocks it

What blocks your success are the beliefs you formed as you grew up.  These are known as "limiting beliefs" because they limit how you view the world. Your strongest beliefs were formed when you were between the ages of birth and 7 years old.   These beliefs were developed when your brain was still in the phase known as the development of the primitive brain.  Because of this, they are the strongest and most intense beliefs you have.  The primitive part of the brain is responsible for our survival.  Because of this, whatever beliefs you formed during that phase represent survival.  This means if something feels threatening or challenging, it can feel as if it threatens your very survival.  If any of your beliefs are in opposition to what you want in life, they stop you from easily achieving success. Your need to survive or protect yourself against threats will cause you to sabotage your own success.

Your habits didn't happen overnight

Who you are, your habits and your beliefs didn't happen overnight. They were formed as you went through life and had different experiences.  Sometimes, you'll remember an experience you haven't thought about for years.  But you find it's actually influencing the decisions you make today.  Even something as simple as being much younger than your siblings and not being able to keep up with them can make a lasting impression on you as you not being "good enough".  Our minds are creative and can come up with very different beliefs or decisions.  Many times these decisions are nothing like what our adult brain would decide.

Keep in mind you that while you can make big changes in a short amount of time,  be patient. Sometimes there are many layers to an issue or belief that need to be looked at and let go of.  

To create real and lasting change work consistently

If you want real and lasting change, it takes consistency.  A commitment to change and the consistency of looking at the habits and beliefs that don't support your success.  You have to look at the events and people in your life who affected how you view the world.  Your beliefs about past emotional events is what blocks your success.  Commit to working through these events in a consistent manner and your life will change. 

It doesn't have to be a painful process

Taking a look at events or interactions that formed your beliefs doesn't have to be painful or drawn out.  With the development of EFT, the Emotional Freedom Technique,  you can quickly access the memories and change how you view them.  Once you have a different outlook on them, you change how they affect you and your future actions.

The more change you want, the more you need to look at the many layers of what you've lived through.  We tend to repeat the same patterns of interaction over and over again.  Once we have a certain belief, we somehow recreate it in our life in different situations, but with the same result. 

As an example, if you had a controlling mother, you'll find you have relationships in your life with controlling people - usually a woman.  These can be friends, lovers, teachers or co-workers. When your brain equates a controlling woman with either love, or "women in power", it becomes your "normal" version of women.  We then accept this type of behavior in our lives.  Because our mothers were the first woman in a powerful position in our lives, our view of "women in power" is formed by this.  When you realize, that if she didn't care for us or feed us, we'd die.  It's the basic law of survival.  Because of this though, it becomes an issue of "survival" and has a much stronger hold on your reactions.

When you get to the point of saying, "I've had enough of controlling people/women in my life", then you're ready to look at why you have these types of people in your life and how to change it.

success layers

Work on the layers gradually

You don't have to re-experience an event or past interaction with the same intensity as the original situation in order to release the hold it has on you.  Your subconscious mind knows exactly what you're working on.  It's there to keep you safe. It you start pushing yourself to look at very intense memories before you feel comfortable doing it, you won't get very far.  And you certainly won't be willing to do it very often.

Instead, realize that the thoughts, feelings, and memories that you're able to deal with or look at will come up when you're ready to examine them.  This doesn't mean you should avoid them.  What it means is to gently move through them in the timing that's right for you.  You might find you'll get to all of the layers in one sitting.  Or it might take several attempts or weeks even  for all of it to dissolve. That's ok. Because your own inner guidance knows exactly what's ready and what's not.  Trust this. What you'll find is that by honoring where you're at and dealing with each memory or situation in the easiest way, you'll move through them much quicker.  Not only will you be more willing to deal with them, but you'll actually find you're making bigger changes in your life than you'd imagined possible.

Each time you release a memory and re-frame it so it no longer has an emotional hold on you, you step more and more into a more positive way of viewing not only yourself, but also life in general.  You'll feel immediate relief.  Consistency is key.  Keep working on all of your limiting beliefs so you can create the life you want and deserve. 

success what blocks it don't give up

In my next article, Celebrate Your Wins - Big & Small, I'll go over the importance of building in mini-celebrations to keep you motivated and moving forward.

If you're ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss your goals.  You an ask any questions you have and we'll see if we're a mutual fit. 

Contact Info: 
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Are You Holding Yourself Back by Focusing on What Could Go Wrong?

You have a project, a dream, goal, or desire.  Somehow though,  you just aren't taking action.  Maybe you've convinced yourself it's impossible before you even had the chance to evaluate it. Or you keep meaning to follow through, but somehow you procrastinate and don't do it.   Ask yourself where your focus is.  Are you focusing on what could go wrong?  Are the pitfalls, "worst case scenarios", or the possibility of failure the things you're focusing on?  Or are you looking at what the upside could be?

what could go wrong rain

We're wired to look for the negatives as a way to survive

Our "caveman" brain is wired to survive - to look out for all the dangers that could destroy us.  Because of this, our focus tends to be on "What could go wrong?  Where's the danger in this?", rather than "This could be awesome!"  

Caveman thinking worked for us then - It doesn't work now. 

Looking out for dangers or disasters was probably a good idea way back in caveman times.  Everyday was filled with real dangers, from freezing to death or being eaten by a dinosaur or saber tooth tiger.  

But we no longer live under those circumstances.  Unfortunately, the evolution of our brains and bodies takes longer to catch up.  Because of this we still possess the natural instinct to focus on the negatives. 

Examine your fears and doubts

Rather than just say, "Oh, I could never do this because....." and then walk away from something you might want or like to do, examine exactly why you feel this way.  What are your fears?  What's the worst thing that could happen if you did this?  Once you know what these reasons are, look at what lies beneath these beliefs.  

Do they remind you of something that happened in the past that didn't turn out well? Are they something you saw or heard from your parents?  Were you told certain messages from your parents that cause you to believe you have to be careful or can't accomplish what you want to go after?

Underneath most reasons or doubts that stop us from taking action, is a fear, incident, trauma, or message from our past.  We learned to avoid similar situations at all costs - even if the situation could lead to success.  

When you gain an understanding of what's behind your reluctance to act, you realize it's usually done in an effort to protect yourself.  Now you have a choice.

You can choose to change your focus

Once you see what's causing your reluctance, you have a choice.  You can either keep telling yourself not to do something because your main focus is on what could go wrong, or you can take steps to turn that around.  When you deal with the underlying beliefs, fears, or traumas, you get rid of what blocks your ability to take action.  

I use EFT, or tapping, to release any blocks that come up.  It’s an extremely effective technique that identifies and releases any fears, doubts, or emotional traumas that get in the way of positive focus or  action.  

Make the upside bigger than the downside.

As you begin letting go of the doubts you've had, start to let yourself get excited about what the upside could be.  Really imagine what it would look like or feel like to achieve your dream or goal.  When the upside becomes bigger than the downside, you're naturally inspired to keep going and follow through.

If you're ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss our goals.  You an ask any questions you have and we'll see if we're a mutual fit. 

Contact Info:
(805) 265-9063
Santa Fe, NM

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You're Not a Victim - You Always Have a Choice

Do you feel as if life is happening to you as if you have no control?  Or do you approach life with curiosity?  There are two ways to approach life.  As a victim or as a student.  You're not a victim.  You have a choice.  Many times people don't realize they're looking at life from the standpoint of a victim. But if you feel you have no control over your reactions or your life, then you aren't viewing your life from "the student".  What can I learn here?  Where do I have input or control?

you not a victim you have a choice

Steve Chandler, the world renowned success coach refers to it as being either a "victim" or an "owner".  In his book, Reinventing Yourself - How to Become the Person You've Always Wanted to Be, he outlines how changing your perspective changes your life.

Most of us weren't taught we had a choice in life.  Life just happened and we had to accept the consequences.  Granted, there are things in our lives that happen over which we have no control.
But we do have control of how we react to them.  This is the difference between the two approaches.

We Learn by Example and What We Were Taught by our Parents

If you believe there's nothing you can do about it and you fall into the feeling of giving up or even despair, you've stepped into the role of the victim.  This is not meant to place judgment in anyway on how someone approaches life.  This is to inform you that you actually have a choice.

I understand the victim mentality very well.  I had it for years.  I actually didn't start out that way, but through a series of big disappointments, I began to give up on believing I could accomplish what I set my mind on. Because the example of my mother and father was one of "Well, that's life.  You can't do anything about it", I adopted their patterns on viewing and responding to life.  However, somehow I knew there had to be a better way.

Through years of learning and studying, I realized I had a choice.  The choice was whether or not I allowed the circumstances or events in my life to determine the quality of my life.  I could give up and fall into sadness, or I could use what was happening to teach me something about myself and what direction I should be moving in.

This is Not About Blame - Blame is Not the Same As Responsibility

Sometimes when people hear they have a choice, they start to blame themselves for how their life is going.  Instead, look at what you can learn from each situation.  What are the lessons?  "How can I take responsibility for my life, or my decisions and move through this?"  We're all doing the best we can.  We make choices, we make mistakes and we have the choice to learn from these mistakes.  If you aren't making mistakes, you're playing it safe.  Take chances, make choices and then learn from them - the good ones and the bad. 

You Always Have a Choice

You always have a choice in how you react, or act.  You might say, "Well, if someone had a gun to your head, you wouldn't have a choice".  Actually, yes you do.  You might not like all the choices, but you do have a choice.  You could fight the gunman for the gun.  You could hand over your money.  Or you could try to escape.  Right there you have 3 choices.  Not all great choices, but still choices.

It's up to you to decide how you want to react

When something happens that's challenging, or even devastating, you're now presented with how you'll react.

  • Do you crumble?  
  • Do you give in to depression?  
  • Do you let your anger or frustration at the situation be the fuel that moves you forward into action?
  • Are you able to view it with curiosity as in, "I wonder why this is happening and what it can teach me?
All of these are choices.  When you can step back from the situation and take some of the emotional charge out of it, you're able to decide which approach serves you in a better way.  If you do, you step into the role of the student.  The place where you view the situation with curiosity as to where it will take you or what you can learn from it. 

How to Let Go of the Emotional Charge

When you're faced with something upsetting, there are real emotions that come up for you.  One of the best things you can do for yourself, is to acknowledge how you feel.  Not always easy and not always what we want to do, but it's the quickest way to move them through and out.  It's also the quickest way to resolving the issue.

I use EFT for my clients to help them work through intense emotions.  By doing this, it takes the intensity out of the emotion.  This way they can make rational, informed decisions about what approach they're going to take.  This gives my clients the power of their creativity, and their logical mind to make decisions.  When you take the emotional charge out of anything, you're no longer held hostage by your emotions.

When the emotional charge is gone, you make a decision that best suits your needs.  You can evaluate how you'll approach any situation with a calm mind.  This puts you in charge of the actions you'll take.  You've become "the student" rather than "the victim".

We have more choices and input into our lives than we're taught to believe.  I hope you'll start to view life from one of empowerment as in, "I have a choice.  Let me look at what those choices are".  You'll be surprised at just how much you can affect the outcome of your life.

If you want clarity on releasing blocks to success or your well-being, schedule a 20-minute complimentary call.  We'll discuss your goals & questions and see if we're a mutual fit.

Contact Info: 
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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The Power of Vulnerability

When someone mentions vulnerability, the last thing most people think of is power.  Most people equate it to being weak.  But in fact, we have it all wrong.  The power of vulnerability is how it brings us to life.

power of vulnerability

Brene Brown gave a great Ted talk about vulnerability and how it's actually powerful, not weak as many people believe.  Brene studies human connection and vulnerability.  Her book, Daring Greatly - How the Power of Vulnerability Transforms the Way We  Live, Parent, Love, and Lead, shows how the willingness to explore vulnerability will change your life.

Life Can Be Challenging - The Last Thing We Want is to Feel Weak

Life can be challenging.  And most times it involves another person who's adding to, or causing the challenge.  So we go through life deciding we really don't want to feel that kind of discomfort or pain ever again.  We don't want to appear weak and we certainly don't want to feel those emotions again. Each time you go through something painful or difficult, the tendency is to shut down just a little more.  We close off our hearts and we put on a happy face.  We do this to survive.  We're trying to protect ourselves.  But when you close down, not only do you shut out the "bad stuff", you also close off to the good.

We're all trying to survive and doing the best that we can. But if you close down or put up barriers to who you really are and and how you feel, you lose the ability to love deeply - to really connect with another person.  And isn't love and connection what we all want in life?  

Love equals acceptance - to be accepted and loved for who we really are - quirks and all.  In an attempt to be accepted, you put up a facade, you're robbing yourself and the people around you of what makes you truly unique.  It's the uniqueness of each person that makes them lovable and interesting.

How the Power of Vulnerability Can Change Your Life

Being vulnerable allows you to experience your emotions.  Because you're in touch with how you really feel about what's happening in your life, and what drives you, you come alive.  While it can be scary to think about doing, once you do, the rewards of living greatly and experiencing life in a deeper way far outweigh the fear.

I hope you'll explore what being vulnerable means to you and how it can enhance the quality of your life.  If you want to watch Brene Brown's Ted talk on vulnerability, click on the link below:

When you're ready to explore letting go of barriers you have to truly feeling alive, book a complimentary call.  I'm happy to answer any questions you have and see if we're a good fit.

Contact Info: 
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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