Are You Too Hard on Yourself? How To Change the Habit

Do you find yourself picking on just about everything about yourself -  your body, what you do or say?  Do you compare yourself to other people and think you fall short of expectations? 

If the above statements ring true for you, or if you think you might be overly critical, ask yourself the following.  

"Do any of these sound familiar to me?"

• Do I constantly pick apart what I'm doing, how I'm acting, or what I wear?
• Do I find it hard to be happy with my accomplishments, my looks, my behavior?  
• Do I find it hard to accept compliments for something I've accomplished?
• Do you feel stalled in your attempts to start something new, ask yourself the following.    
• Do I ever feel as if what I'm doing isn't "good enough"?  
• Am I afraid to take a chance for fear I'll make a mistake or fail at whatever I want to do?
• Do I have a hard time giving myself a break?

If any of these sound familiar, or you answered "yes" to any of these, then you're holding yourself back - not only from moving forward with success, but also of having happiness and contentment in your life.

It's great to strive for excellence, however, if  you aren't able to let yourself off the hook when you're anything less than perfect, then you're being too critical of yourself.  Your own judgment of yourself stands in the way of happiness.  It slows down your ability to make decisions, and it gets in the way of taking action in your life.

While you might know it's not helpful to be overly critical, maybe you haven't found a way to rid yourself of these thoughts and feelings.  If you can't accept yourself for who you are, then maybe it's time to make a change. Maybe it's time to give yourself some understanding and compassion.

By understanding and unraveling past events that created this view of who you are, you can let it go and create a happier, more successful life.

What are some of the feelings associated with Self-Criticism?

Below is a list of thoughts or feelings common to negative thoughts or beliefs: 

• Not doing a good enough job
• Falling short of your own expectations
• Feeling like you're a failure
• Doubting your ability to take action or make decisions
• Feeling like you can't trust your own judgment when it comes to relationships
• Not being able to stand up for yourself when you feel you've been wronged

If any of these resonate as true for you, maybe it's time to learn a different way of viewing yourself.

You Weren't Born Being Critical

It's important to recognize we weren't born critical.  It was something we learned from other people.  Whether it was from a well-meaning parent or teacher, it still created a negative self-view.  It's not how we were meant to think about ourselves.  But through either actions we saw, such as a disapproving look, or comments we heard, we learned that we weren't enough.  We weren't good enough, or we just weren't measuring up.  These were someone else's judgments as you grew up.  They weren't something you felt about yourself in the beginning.  And so, being the sponges we are as children, we learned the lesson of judging ourselves harshly.

Sometimes a well-meaning parent might think they're helping their child to "be a better person", or "excel at what they do", when in fact, by constantly focusing on what the child is doing wrong, rather than what they're doing right, or constantly pushing a child to do better, they undermine the child's ability to accept themselves.  This behavior also chips away at their self-esteem and self-worth.

Some parents will compare one sibling to another with phrases like, "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?"  It might have been said in a moment of frustration, but it's still damaging to the receiver of the message.  When it's repeated enough times, it becomes a person's "truth" or 'Identity". 

These kinds of messages can also undermine a person's ability to be open and trusting in a romantic relationship.  If you feel like you're opening yourself up for criticism when you let someone get close to you, you'll put up all sorts of barriers.  When you raise barriers to protect yourself, you rob yourself of true intimacy.  

If opening up to another person represents criticism or hurt, of course you'll protect yourself from feeling that pain again.  It's a natural response. So not only are you robbing yourself of enjoying life, just as you are, but you're also robbing yourself of intimate relationships.

Steps you can take to let go of  Self-Criticism

So, what can you do?  The good news is because it's a learned behavior, it can be unlearned.  The process is a multilayered one, but one you can start today.  In this article I'll focus on the beginning steps and in subsequent articles will cover how to unravel and release any emotions or beliefs attached to being critical of yourself.  

Begin by identifying any of the negative thoughts going through your mind.  Also, identify any negative or critical comments  and actions you experienced from other people as you grew up.  Write these down so you have something to work on.

Once you've identified these comments, thoughts, and actions, the first thing to do is to congratulate yourself for not only taking this step, but for having the willingness to even look at it.  This might not be something you usually do, but as you go through the process of letting go of judgement of yourself, you need to change your habits. 

Change your focus - Focus on what you do right.

Instead of focusing on what you're doing wrong, begin noticing and focusing on what you do right.  While it's good to notice what you'd like to do better, being overly critical doesn't serve you.  It holds you back from taking risks or making decisions.  But, denying how you feel or think doesn't change it - by stuffing your feelings, they don't go away.  Instead, acknowledge exactly how you feel and then choose where you're going to place your focus. 

It takes time to change habits.  But vow to do it anyway.  Practice shifting your focus from the negative to the positive.  Once you do, you'll be surprised at how you start to notice all sorts of positive things - not only about yourself, but also about your life.  These build up over time and you find it not only lifts your mood, but it's easier to see the positive - in yourself and in others.  In essence, you're retraining your brain to look for what's going right in your life, and what you're doing right.  Like anything else you practice,  over time, it becomes a habit - the habit of noticing your positive traits and actions.

Making the choice of where you focus is only one step.  It's a start. But an important step is in working with the thoughts or beliefs you came up with for your list.  When you deal with these and the underlying emotions connected to them, this is where real change occurs.

One other idea is to notice your response to my suggestion that you congratulate yourself for the step taken in exploring your negative thoughts.  Or the response you had to my suggestion that you change your focus from noticing what you're doing right instead of what you're doing wrong.  All of these reactions are valuable information for you to work with as you move away from being critical.  Write down any of these thoughts and reactions as well.

With clients I use both EFT and FasterEFT to release emotions or limiting beliefs and habits is EFT.  In my next article, Hard on Yourself- Steps You Can Take, and in consequent articles, I'll give some examples of phrases you can tap on to collapse the feelings and release these beliefs.  You'll gain a sense of relaxation and be able to let go of the tendency to judge yourself too harshly.  In the meantime, you can download a free copy of an EFT Chart here which includes how to do the process.  

I'll be doing a series of posts on what you can do to release these old thoughts to change your habit of self-criticism.  In upcoming articles, I'll lead you through some EFT tapping exercises designed to release some of these negative beliefs and help quickly change how you view yourself.  Like anything else revolving around emotions and the affect they have on us, there are layers to why we're hard on ourselves.  With EFT you can gently look at them and release them so they no longer have a hold over you. 

 I wish you the best in beginning to see and embrace your positive qualities.



If you're ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss our goals.  You an ask any questions you have and we'll see if we're a mutual fit. 

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com 
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

If you'd like to receive notifications of events, discounts, and future blogs, sign up below

Self-criticism - Why it Holds you back & How to let it go

Self- criticism.  It can get in the way of your progress and your happiness. If you think you might be overly critical, or you feel stalled in your attempts to start something new, ask yourself the following.  

"Do any of these sound familiar to me?"

• Do I constantly pick apart what I'm doing, how I'm acting, or what I wear?
• Do I find it hard to be happy with my accomplishments, my looks, my behavior?  
• Do I find it hard to accept compliments for something I've accomplished?  
• Do I ever feel as if what I'm doing isn't "good enough"?  
• Am I afraid to take a chance for fear I'll make a mistake or fail at whatever I want to do?
• Do I have a hard time giving myself a break?

If any of these sound familiar, or you answered "yes" to any of these, then you're holding yourself back - not only from moving forward with success, but also of having happiness and contentment in your life.

It's great to strive for excellence, however, if  you aren't able to let yourself off the hook when you're anything less than perfect, then you're being too critical of yourself.  Your own judgment of yourself stands in the way of happiness.  It slows down your ability to make decisions, and it gets in the way of taking action in your life.

While you might know it's not helpful to be overly critical, maybe you haven't found a way to rid yourself of these thoughts and feelings.  If you can't accept yourself for who you are, then maybe it's time to make a change. Maybe it's time to give yourself some understanding and compassion.

By understanding and unraveling past events that created this view of who you are, you can let it go and create a happier, more successful life.

Thoughts and beliefs associated with Self-Criticism

Below is a list of thoughts or feelings common to negative thoughts or beliefs: 

• Not doing a good enough job
• Falling short of your own expectations
• Feeling like you're a failure
• Doubting your ability to take action or make decisions
• Feeling like you can't trust your own judgment when it comes to relationships
• Not being able to stand up for yourself when you feel you've been wronged

If any of these resonate as true for you, maybe it's time to learn a different way of viewing yourself.

You Weren't Born Being Critical

It's important to recognize we weren't born critical.  It was something we learned from other people.  Whether it was from a well-meaning parent or teacher, it still created a negative self-view.  It's not how we were meant to think about ourselves.  But through either actions we saw, such as a disapproving look, or comments we heard, we learned that we weren't enough.  We weren't good enough, or we just weren't measuring up.  These were someone else's judgments as you grew up.  They weren't something you felt about yourself in the beginning.  And so, being the sponges we are as children, we learned the lesson of judging ourselves harshly.

Sometimes a well-meaning parent might think they're helping their child to "be a better person", or "excel at what they do", when in fact, by constantly focusing on what the child is doing wrong, rather than what they're doing right, or constantly pushing a child to do better, they undermine the child's ability to accept themselves.  This behavior also chips away at their self-esteem and self-worth.

Some parents will compare one sibling to another with phrases like, "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?"  It might have been said in a moment of frustration, but it's still damaging to the receiver of the message.  When it's repeated enough times, it becomes a person's "truth" or 'Identity". 

These kinds of messages can also undermine a person's ability to be open and trusting in a romantic relationship.  If you feel like you're opening yourself up for criticism when you let someone get close to you, you'll put up all sorts of barriers.  When you raise barriers to protect yourself, you rob yourself of true intimacy.  

If opening up to another person represents criticism or hurt, of course you'll protect yourself from feeling that pain again.  It's a natural response. So not only are you robbing yourself of enjoying life, just as you are, but you're also robbing yourself of intimate relationships.

Steps you can take to let go of  Self-Criticism

So, what can you do?  The good news is because it's a learned behavior, it can be unlearned.  The process is a multilayered one, but one you can start today.  In this article I'll focus on the beginning steps and in subsequent articles will cover how to unravel and release any emotions or beliefs attached to being critical of yourself.  

Begin by identifying any of the negative thoughts going through your mind.  Also, identify any negative or critical comments  and actions you experienced from other people as you grew up.  Write these down so you have something to work on later.

Once you've identified the comments, thoughts, and actions, the first thing to do is congratulate yourself for not only taking this first step, but also for having the willingness to even look at it.  This might not be something you usually do, but as you go through the process of letting go of judgment of yourself, you'll find yourself more willing to look at what's underneath the habit of self-judgment.

Change your focus - Focus on what you do right.

Instead of focusing on what you're doing wrong, begin noticing and focusing on what you do right.  While it's good to notice what you'd like to do better, being overly critical doesn't serve you.  It holds you back from taking risks or making decisions.  But, denying how you feel or think doesn't change it - by stuffing your feelings, they don't go away.  Instead, acknowledge exactly how you feel and then choose where you're going to place your focus. 

It takes time to change habits.  But vow to do it anyway.  Practice shifting your focus from the negative to the positive.  Once you do, you'll be surprised at how you start to notice all sorts of positive things - not only about yourself, but also about your life.  These build up over time and you find it not only lifts your mood, but it's easier to see the positive - in yourself and in others.  In essence, you're retraining your brain to look for what's going right in your life, and what you're doing right.  Like anything else you practice,  over time, it becomes a habit - the habit of noticing your positive traits and actions.

Making the choice of where you focus is only one step.  It's a start.  What's more important, is once you understand what beliefs are underneath the habit of being hard on yourself, is to start collapsing these beliefs and replacing them with positive beliefs. When you deal with the comments and thoughts you came up from your list, and any emotions connected to them, this is where real change occurs.

With clients, one of the techniques I use is EFT .  It's an effective, and easy to learn way to get to the root causes of being overly critical of themselves.  By identifying and then eliminating these causes, they let go of the weight of being hard on themselves.  It frees them up to be creative and take action with more ease.

In upcoming articles I'll give some examples of phrases you can tap on to collapse the feelings and release the beliefs.  You'll gain a sense of relaxation and be able to let go of the tendency to judge yourself too harshly.  

In the meantime, you can download a free copy of an EFT Chart here which includes how to do the process.  

Like anything else revolving around emotions and the affect they have on us, there are layers to why we're hard on ourselves.  With EFT you can gently look at them and release them so they no longer have a hold over you. 

If you're ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss our goals.  You an ask any questions you have and we'll see if we're a mutual fit. 

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com 
(805) 265-9063

If you'd like to receive notifications of events, discounts, and future blogs, sign up below

Being Open - How it brings love, generosity and new opportunities into your life

When you're open and accepting, you notice the people you meet or come into contact with are more generous and open as well.  Their generous, caring spirit comes out.  When you're open and accepting, all of your relationships become stronger, deeper, and kinder.  

If we allow ourselves to open our hearts to not only love, but also to what comes into our life, trusting in whatever comes, we open to the many possibilities in life.  The more open and whole you are, the more you receive and consequently, the more you can give.  Being open means trusting in others and trusting yourself.  In other words, that you'll be alright, no matter what happens.

In order to feel comfortable with being open, you first need to feel safe. It can be scary allowing yourself to feel vulnerable and to just "be" in each moment of your life - without the need to put up a barrier.   One of the ways to feel less hesitant about being vulnerable, is to make sure you feel "whole."  

Being "whole" means:

• Having a strong sense of balance within your life,   
• Valuing who you are as a person - really caring for yourself in the same way you care about others.  
• And having healthy boundaries.

We must first love ourselves before we can fully love others - which is with all our heart.  When you care about yourself, you don't allow situations or people to treat you in any way other than fair and kind.  You might find there are times when you have to speak up for yourself, but when you care about yourself and what's fair for you, it becomes easier to do.  

Another way that helps us have the feeling that all is safe in our world is by feeling we're protected and provided for.  What gives you this feeling? Maybe for you this means you're self-sufficient and can take care of yourself.  For others it could mean having a companion or partner who provides some kind of support and protection.  And for some it's the spiritual feeling that we are always provided for.  Whatever helps you gain this feeling, strive for it and incorporate it into your life. 

There are different types of support.  Financial, emotional, and even physical support.  In a balanced relationship, both parties bring some kind of support to their partner.  What are you good at that you can give to the relationship?  What areas within yourself can you strengthen or expand even more?

Our Life Experiences Can Close Us Down

Sometimes your life experiences can make it hard to be open.  I grew up in the world of ballet - a very competitive environment.  It wasn't an environment where you could be trusting or open, and survive.  There were many cut-throat dancers, going for the same parts as you.  Unfortunately for me, it caused me to close down and keep to myself.  It was what worked for me in this particular setting.

After leaving the ballet world though, I began to work on trusting others and creating loving relationships.  The happier and more open I became, the more incredibly nice, helpful, and loving people came into my life.  It was a kind of magnetic effect.  When you're open and trusting, the people you interact with respond in kind.  Even today I'm amazed at how many wonderful people I meet.  

When you Open to Life, All Kinds of Wonderful Events and Opportunities Occur

Another interesting aspect of living in trust, is there are more, sweet little, positive events that seem to happen everyday.  It seems the less energy or thought I use in an effort to "protect" myself, the more wide open my life becomes.  Whether it's a great new client signing up to work with me, or a business deal going through easily, to even small, odd little things.  Something like the perfect parking spot showing up in a crowded lot just as I enter the row.  Or an organic farmer offering me some of his fresh strawberries just because they're ripe and he'd like to share them.  

These are just random happenings and just a few examples, but they occur almost everyday now.  I've found that when you open up and at the same time are more kind to others, it sets in motion a positive life. And as you learn to care enough about yourself to do what's needed to support your life, you end up being more helpful, trusting and caring in the world at large.  You'll find yourself doing more to help the people around you.

Opening to Love - Unconditionally

When you open to love, keeping your heart wide open and accepting of other people, and when you connect with others in a loving or supportive way, you'll be amazed at how many great people show up.  They seem to just pop into your life.  Many times, the people already in your life also tend to rise to the occasion themselves.  They respond to you in kinder, gentler ways.  When you decide to make the switch, if you find there are certain people who aren't kind to you, examine how much you're able to care about yourself and your well-being.  Decide if these are the types of people who are the best fit for your life.  Sometimes when we change, we have to leave behind what no longer works for us. Taking care of yourself and what you need to be happy and healthy, isn't selfish. Remember, the happier you become, the more you're able to contribute to other people.

Other Ways of Being Open

Being open, also means being open to change.  Allowing yourself to let in new ways of doing, thinking, or being. When you don't have preconceived notions of how something "should" be, you just allow what is, to filter in.  You'll find the things that do come in are perfectly suited for what you need at that time. Being open is all about dropping your resistance.  

Practicing openness, not only makes a difference for you, but for the people you encounter in your life.  A "win-win" situation.

In the next article I'll outline ways in which you can become more open and receptive.

If you want to create more openness in you, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss your goals and you can ask any questions you might have.

Contact Info:

sumi@sumijones.com 

(805) 265-9063

If you'd like to receive notifications of events, discounts, and future blogs, sign up below

Motivation and Discipline - Your Passion is the Inspiration

Motivation and discipline.  We all know they're necessary if we want to succeed in life. We have to put in the effort and we have to stay the course.

When you have a goal, if there's true inspiration behind it - a true sense of passion, the task of accomplishing the goal becomes much easier.  Dropping habits that don't support your goal is easier to do. When your desire to have what you want is strong and feels like it's a part of who you are, there's no question you'll do what you need to do in order to get there.

Life is short.  Shorter than we think.  In fact, we really only know for certain that the moment we're having right now is the only one we can count on.  You never know when your life will change or even end. This is not to be morbid.  But  if we waste our lives half-living, we end up at the end of them with regret.  The things we "meant to do", or would do "once we had the time", just never seemed to materialize.  None of us wants to be filled with regret.  Because of this, it's important to seize life and live it as fully as possible.  Don't waste your time doing something that doesn't fill you with joy or excitement.  If you can fully grasp the concept that death can come at any time, you'll make sure you live your life as well as you can.  There are no more excuses for stalling.  You'll also find yourself living with more purpose in all situations.

So, what does this entail? It means being courageous in all of your choices.  You'll stop wasting time on things that don't bring you joy, or closer to your goals.  With each choice you make, and we're constantly making choices throughout the day, you're deciding whether or not you're choosing success.  I'm not advocating pushing yourself without also taking time for rest.  Part of being successful is doing everything necessary to accomplish this.. It means taking care of your physical body as well as your mental and emotional states. There needs to be balance in all aspects of your life. Rest is a part of accomplishing your goals. When you take care of yourself, you have more energy and enthusiasm.  Your results are better and easier to achieve.

Own Your Desires and Goals

When you know what it is you want, own it.  Claim it as who you are and what you're going to be doing.  Admit it to yourself and be willing to admit it to anyone else.  When you do this, you're stating that you'll do whatever it takes to reach your goal.  You've now committed 100% to following through. This is fully owning your goal or desired outcome.  

Letting Go of Fear

But what if, in the process of owning your goal, fears or doubts crop up? The closer you come to defining what you want and committing to it, the more likely it is your doubts or fears can show up. Fears such as, "What if I fail at this?"  What if I make a fool of myself?"  "What if they laugh at me or criticize me". "What if I just don't have what it takes to do this?"  These concerns can feel very real. They aren't pleasant and they hold you back.  In order to have anything you want, you need to be in complete alignment with your desire.  These goals and desires have to resonate, 100% within you.

When these doubts or thoughts come up, exam them and deal with them. This is the work I do with clients.  We identify what holds them back, whether fears, doubts, or belief patterns. The blocks are then released once and for all.  The final step is bringing them 100% into alignment with their inner strengths and goals.

To get rid of a fear or doubt that blocks your success, you need to exam it.  You need to understand it so you can easily let it go. When the conscious, logical mind comprehends the doubts and where they've come from, the task of releasing happens much quicker.

When you firmly make the decision that not only you, but your quality of life is worth much more than any fear, you gain the ability to conquer your fears and do whatever it takes to succeed.

If you're looking for ways to increase your discipline or jumpstart more motivation in your life, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss your goals and ways in which to release these blocks.

Contact Info:

sumi@sumijones.com 

(805) 265-9063

If you'd like to receive notifications of events, discounts, and future blogs, sign up below

Setting Boundaries - Your Value as a Healer or Sensitive Person

As a healer, do you recognize and honor your value?  This is a touchy subject and one in which I hesitated to write about.  But I feel it's something which needs to be addressed.  With that in mind, here I go.... 

Too often I see a trend among healers - undercharging for their services.  This article isn't about doing charity work. I do believe it's important for people to give back. Rather, this is about the everyday life of a healer and how we value the work we do.

What I've noticed among many healers, or other types of professionals who work outside the norm of traditional wellness professionals, is a general reluctance to set boundaries or charge a fair price for their work. Because they have the deep desire to assist in another person's growth or healing, they somehow believe they can't charge an appropriate fee.  Or their desire to help overrides what's right or fair to them. These are professionals who can be intuitives, astrologers, or people who do soul retrievals - any kind of energy work.

I want to be clear on the term "healer". It's a term that's used often, but we don't actually heal anyone. What we do is bring in the energy where a person's own internal wisdom, along with their body or situation which allows the healing to take place. What we bring to the session is what allows the shift to occur. Because most people are familiar with this term, (and there doesn't seem to be a better one, other than "facilitator"), I'll use it here for the sake of convenience.

The trend I see in general, is a lack of true valuation as well as firm boundaries.  Because this work isn't tangible, other than the results, people tend to discount it.  The thought for centuries has been, "If it's of a spiritual nature, you should do it from the goodness of your heart - not charge for it.  Or charge very little".  I see so many professionals in this industry who struggle with this idea.  I've also seen the flip side where people who want to receive the work are unwilling to pay for it.  Or they don't want to pay much.

I find this interesting because the usual feedback I receive from clients is, 'You've changed my life!"  This, after only 1 or 2 sessions - not sessions every week that go on for years.  Yet, I've still met people who try to get a free session from me.  I had one woman call me up, asking for help on a business deal.  This was a deal where she'd benefit, quite well, financially.  However,  she wanted me to give her the session for free. I found this interesting. If she was benefiting, financially, why wouldn't she pay for work that gave her the necessary information to pursue the deal or not?  She wouldn't go to a lawyer or financial advisor and expect them to give her an hour of their time for free.  She also wouldn't be willing to give her own services away for free.  

So, why is it not only clients, but many professionals in this field are willing to undercharge or not charge at all for their work?  Bills, mortgages, and rent are all a part of the real world.  A world in which we all live in.  When you do work, you should be paid for it. Some people believe that because it's something we're guided to do and something we love doing (helping people), we shouldn't expect to be fairly compensated.  I know many doctors, nurses and chiropractors who also love their work. They help people everyday in their work.  And they're paid for it.  Why does "divinely guided" and "love of work" equate to not being paid?  Because in today's world, in many people's minds,  if you can't see it, it must not have value.  However, if the work you do results in real value - a better business deal, peace of mind, the relief of trauma, then it is valuable.  The results should dictate the monetary value - not the process.

It's up to professionals in this field to understand the value of their work.  When you work in this field, and you give real results, ones which positively impact the quality of life of another person, you owe it to yourself, as well as your clients (or anyone who comes to you for work), to be paid fairly. It's up to you to set your rates and your boundaries.   If someone doesn't respect your work enough to pay you for it, don't work with them.  

When someone calls me up and wants my help, my agreement with them is:

• They make an appointment
• They pay me for my services
• They adhere to the length of the session - not trying to stay longer than the appointed time.
• They don't call me for a "free follow up" - I do give 5-minute complimentary follow ups, either by text or phone. But they're exactly that - 5 minutes.  Anything longer and it means there are more layers to be worked on. This means booking another appointment.

These are all common business practices.  Until healers are willing to look at their work as a genuine business, and hold their clients accountable, they won't receive the payment or respect they deserve.

The clients I have now are wonderful. They're respectful and appreciative of the work I do.  I feel fortunate to work with these people.  But it took me a long time, and encounters with too many people trying to receive my work for free, to finally realize my worth.  From people who'd  call and say they "only needed 5 minutes of my time" -  25 minutes later, I was still on the phone with them.  They thanked me profusely for my help, but didn't offer to pay for my time or work.  Or the clients, when I didn't have an appointment right after them, who would stay an extra 30 or 40 minutes.  Because I cared so deeply about helping them, I allowed this type of behavior. 

In most cases, people aren't trying to consciously take advantage of you. They're struggling with something and are looking for ways to deal with it. But they need to understand the work you do is real and it takes effort. It appear easy, but it's usually taken years to learn and refine. It's a business like any other. 

What I've learned, is it's up to me to know my worth and then stick to it. Sometimes you have to have the difficult conversation of, "I'm sorry, but this is much more than a 5-minute conversation".   I've found that the people who didn't want to pay for my services, were the ones who weren't willing to take responsibility for their own healing. They were either struggling with their own self-worth issues, not willing to invest in themselves or their healing. Or they were someone who didn't respect or value another person's time or effort. 

This is their own work to do. When they're ready to step up and invest in themselves, they'll be happy to pay someone for their assistance. The best thing you can do as a healer, is to facilitate a person's self-worth by sticking to your understanding of your own value.

As empaths, we feel other people's emotions.  When you feel their pain, it can be very difficult to witness and not want to jump in and help.  It's the old, "It doesn't take much for me to help".  But each time you do, not only do you disrespect yourself, but you also rob them of their journey of healing, learning and growing.  Someone very wise once told me, 'It you try to do it for another person, you're only robbing them of their soul's lessons.  They'll have to go through them eventually.  You're only delaying it - not helping them."

Our journey is to realize this is where someone's at right now.  We can empathize and wish the very best for them.  But the very best is in having them discover their own power.  Their own ability to heal and grow.  When someone taps into their own power, they have the ability to move mountains. If you aren't able to believe in them enough to support this path of growth, (by thinking you have to "do it for them"), you actually aren't serving them. 

Something you can ask yourself, "Will I hold the vision of them as capable and able to heal?", or are you envisioning them as helpless or a victim?  It can be hard sometimes, but by believing in another person's ability to heal, you're in essence, empowering them. When you hold the vision of their capabilities, you're helping them far more than you know. Believe in yourself and believe in them. 

 A final thought. When you value yourself, your work, and set firm boundaries, you're practicing healthy self-care. The better you care for yourself, the more you're able to give to those around you.

If you want more clarity on your real value, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss your goals and ways in which to come more into alignment with your true worth.

Contact Info:

sumi@sumihouston.com

(805) 265-9063

Information on Sumi Jones and her website.

Pursuing What You Love to Find Real Happiness

Do feel joyful a good part of the time?  Or are you feeling as if there’s something missing in your life? If you’re not feeling joy, peacefulness, or contentment on a regular basis, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your life. If you aren’t filled with a passion for what you’re doing, no matter what it is, then it’s time to explore what it is that you do love.

Joy and  passion are the barometers of whether or not we’re following the path of our souls and destiny in life. Yes, we all go through challenges from time to time. But if you’re not regularly feeling joyful or excitement about life, then you’re not doing what you’re meant to do. You're not utilizing your unique gifts that you were born with. Maybe this sounds harsh, but I see too many people who just accept life as it is – just moving through life on auto-pilot. Complacency is not contentment. It’s “settling”. We weren’t meant to settle. We were meant to bring our gifts and strengths out into the world so others can benefit from them, as well as ourselves. If you settle in life, you live a life of “half alive” and a slow, but painful existence. When we’re afraid to risk trying something, we’re settling for how things are and have been. We’re afraid of pain, such as failing. But isn’t it more painful to just go along without any real joy or passion in your life? Is half-living what you intended for your life? Ask yourself which is more painful? Living a joyless life, or having an occasional setback on your way to happiness and fulfillment?

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help define what you love doing.

1. What’s the one thing I’m hiding from the world?  There might be several.  Many times we hide the things we enjoy doing the most.  Or we only do them as hobbies.
2. Is there something I’m afraid to explore in case I ‘fail’, or ‘aren’t good enough’ at?
3. Is there a dream I’ve had, but haven’t had the courage to follow?
4. What do I love doing? What fills me with excitement or passion when I do it or think about doing it?
5. What did I love doing as a child? Sometimes this leads to what we still like doing as an adult.

By playing it safe and not trying the things you love, you rob yourself of the most exhilarating way of living. Yes, it can be scary from time to time. To put yourself out there can make you feel quite vulnerable. But the rewards for yourself and for others more than makeup for the initial fear.

There are people in your life who will advise against taking a chance on your dream. They mean well. But ask yourself, “Are these the people I admire for the life they’re living? Are they living fully with purpose and joy?” Or, are they perhaps, also living safely, without heart or courage? As Brene Brown says, “Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart.  In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.” When you share your heart’s desires with the world, you’re living your truth.

As children we knew exactly what we loved doing. Most of us were allowed to dream and do what it was we loved doing. However, as we grew up, well-meaning adults advised us to be realistic or “more practical” in our lives. Thankfully, for me, I never listened.

As a child, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. A ballet dancer first, and then to somehow have horses in my life. I loved both of these passionately and went on to dance with one of the greatest ballet companies and choreographers in the world - NY City Ballet. After I retired from dance, I went into the horse business, training horses and riders at the major shows on the East coast. I looked back recently and wondered how it was I’d accomplished both careers successfully? What was it that helped me to be successful in not one, but two careers of my choice? Two very different careers. I realized that I never took my eye off of my goal. I never allowed anyone to talk me out of my dreams. I loved dancing with all of my heart, as I did horses. There was never a question in my mind that I’d accomplish my dreams. Besides dreaming about horses and ballet, and drawing them constantly, I also put in the effort, every day, to accomplish those dreams. But it was my love of these things which fueled my efforts.

To put your dream or yourself out there can feel daunting. Rather than dive in, wholeheartedly, (although that’s one way to do it as well!), you can take small steps. Steps that feel manageable so you can get comfortable with the process. Commit to taking these steps every day. Or if your schedule is too busy right now, commit to doing one small step per week. Once you’re committed to doing this, the momentum usually takes over and it becomes easier and easier to do.

Stay open to your excitement and how it leads you forward or in new directions. There’s nothing like living life out loud and in the way which makes your heart sing. When you do this, it’s contagious. Others benefit as well – even if it might only be from your feelings of joy. Most often, it’s much more. You give them permission by your example, to follow their dreams.

If you feel blocked in following through on your dreams or goals,  my specialty is helping people identify what gets in the way of living with joy and fulfillment. 

When you're ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss your goals.  You can ask any questions you have about the work I do. I look forward to connecting with you.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumihouston.com 
(805) 265-9063

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