Balance In Relationships

To have harmony and ultimately happiness, it's important to have balance in relationships.  All of your relationships.  Whether it's friendships, marriages, or even work relationships, balance is important.

Balance in Relationships

Many people don't think about balance.  It's not always something that comes naturally.  Because the human brain is designed to be efficient, it makes decisions about whatever we experience.  These can be  events, people, relationships, really anything.  The brain then places these into categories.  This is true of objects, people, or relationships. Once the brain has made this decision, it goes about relating to the person, object, etc, in the same manner each time.  It's meant as a way to simplify life.  So, why is this a problem?

How the Brain Can Undermine The Balance in Relationships

How does this relate to balance?  Because the brain is being efficient, it  has a set way of viewing things.  Once your brain has categorized a relationship, it takes a lot to change this opinion.  It takes effort to consciously change how you view a certain relationship and the balance within it.  It's much easier to have placed the object, relationship, etc into a category and then relate to it in the same manner each time.  It's more efficient.  But it can take a toll on you or your interactions with people.

How does efficiency impact a friendship?

How this impacts relationships is,  if you have a friend who always seems to have problems or disasters in their life and you rush in to help out - lending emotional support or any other kind of support, their brain categorizes you as "the helper, saver, or person to turn to, in disasters."  They can unconsciously view you as the person they go to when they have a problem.  If they aren't  aware of the brain's tendency to categorize, they view you in only one way - the receive, you give.  The relationship then becomes unbalanced. Whenever you need support, they don't seem to be there.  They might not step in to help.  It's as if they have blinders on and can't comprehend your need for support or help.

This type of relating can happen on either end.  In some instances, you might be the helper, and in other relationships, you might find you lean on someone you know.  While it's great to have emotional support, it needs to be done in balanced ways.

Generally speaking though, people tend to stay in the same category with all of their relationships.  If you tend to be "the giver", then you're most likely "the giver" in all your relationships - from work to home.  You generally give to everyone you know.

But this takes a toll on you.  You don't receive the support or nurturing that's important to everyone.  While giving is an honorable thing to do, it isn’t fair if that's all you do.  It isn’t fair to you, and ultimately, it isn't actually fair to the other person.  When you act in a balanced way and expect others to do the same, you're giving them the opportunity to grow as a person.  To relate to you in a fair and balanced way.  The relationship only grows stronger because of it.  If not, resentments build and the relationship begins to deteriorate.

When you're able to give as well as receive, you feel more balanced.  It gives you a feeling of completeness because you're acting in a way which is more holistic to the human emotions.

You Have a Choice 

The good news is, now that you know how our brains function, you can make a conscious decision about all of your relationships.  You have a choice.  You can make the choice to have balanced relationships in all areas of your life. Not only will you feel much better and lightweight, but you'll also feel personally empowered.  Your relationships will grow and thrive. 

Change Isn't Always Easy - For both sides

You might've decided to go ahead and make changes.  However, some people might resist this change.  Remember, our brains like to be efficient.  They're just doing the job they were created to do.  But when you decide to change course, even when it's for the better, you'll be rocking the boat - even a little.  It can come as a surprise to other people.  They've been relating to you in a certain light and now suddenly you've changed.  They might not all react in a positive way.

That's okay.  Do it anyway.  You can do it gently, but firmly.  By doing this, you're empowering them to be better and happier people - with healthier, more balanced interactions.  You're giving them the opportunity to participate in  healthy, alive, and thriving relationships.  When you demonstrate  balance in your relationships, you're giving a powerful example.  They then have the choice to participate in the same way. 

As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."  Lead by example. Dare to take the first step in your happiness and the happiness in all of your relationships. 

To discover ways in which you can create balance in your life contact me to book a complimentary call.  We'll discuss how I can be of service to you.

Contact Info:

sumi@sumijones.com 

(805) 265-9063

Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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